I won't cry either...so there!!

I met one of the mothers at school this morning and she felt compelled to share with me the fact that when I leave, she won't cry.

She said that she never cried when people leave and that if I am expecting her to shed a few tears at my farewell then I will probably be disappointed.

Ok. Well. Thanks for that.

What I am supposed to say to that sort of a comment? Thanks for sharing your feelings with me? Thanks for letting me know what you think of me...six months before I leave?

Jeez.

Canon 400D

As part of the expat "thang" the corporate spouses get an allowance for each move that they undertake - commonly referred to as the Unhappy Wives Allowance. And with a portion of my "allowance" I bought a Canon 400D. So now I am living life through a camera lens. Everything is a potential shot, closeup or excuse to zoom in on a subject. I adore it. Unable to find a photography course here on the island, I have found one online and am busy snap, snap, snapping away.

Lost

My phone is dead. I can't reset it. It won't move. Utterly frozen. I can't stand it. I am so used to having it with me - and I sync everything with it as well - shopping lists, books, photos, travel lists, my gym workouts... everything!

I am utterly lost.

Some things I do know!

We went out for dinner the other night. Fabulous food, great company but I ended up getting into an argument with the host. I know it was wrong of me but I couldn't help myself.

The thing is that there are some things that I do know about.

I won't argue banking with a banker. Or Argentinian politics with Argentinians. I will defer to anyone who wants to discuss farming. Or Japanese politics. I know nothing about mathematics. Hopeless at physics, science, business news. Useless at European politics unless Anne Boleyn is mentioned. Can't speak German. I know nothing about cars other than what colour they are and I can't discuss soccer, rugby, cricket or tennis.

But there are some things I do know and it is very hard not to say something when it is in my area of knowledge.

I know about campaign finance. I actually know a shit-load about this. I know about literature. I am good at research. Not bad at IT stuff (but not great!) I am learning about photography.

The thing is though that this guy was talking about Hong Kong and I DO know about Hong Kong.

I worked as a writer there. I reviewed restaurants and was a guest of the Consul at his private residence. I did freelance writing (which gave me an excuse to poke my nose everywhere!) and I had local friends. I helped arrange the first writers festival in Hong Kong and I put on art shows for multinational corporations. I toured illegal kitchens, ate snake and turtle, did mountain running during a typhoon and rowed to Macau in a canoe. I worked for one of the Chambers of Commerce. I did courses on Chinese medicine and taught beauty therapists about Brazillian waxing. I paddled in a dragon boat team for many years. I hiked and was in a group that explored the seamier side of life. I stayed at Chung King Mansions. My children went to a local school. I stayed overnight in a brothel, dressed up as a jockey at the Happy Valley Race Track. I was in the Apple Daily. I worked as a lingerie model. I learnt Cantonese (badly). I bargained, photographed, interviewed. I gave birth in a local hospital. I wrote porn. I was presented to Prince Edward.

And this guy was saying things that while they were probably very true when he was living there weren't true anymore.

And he wouldn't back down.

I wanted to jump up and down and yell and say "NO!!!! I know Hong Kong. You can have every other subject that you want. Talk about business and banking and Dubai and Brunei and Malaysia. Talk about cars and sports and travel and global warming. Talk about gardening and sailing and Mendel's theory of genetics. I don't care and I will be polite and smile and do all the right stuff.

But you know what? Sometimes ... just sometimes ... I won't.

From this....

...to this

So where next?

Every conversation these days is about the next move. Every tidbit of revolves around where we may be in the next six months. Someone is resigning? So what does that mean for us? Is he senior? Or more junior? Does this have any implications?

So-and-so is leaving. So who is replacing him? Is it likely that they will do an internal hire or will they look elsewhere? How about a local hire? Is that more likely?

And it is doing my head in!

The worse thing is that because I am on the periphery of all these conversations - they happen at his work, with his contacts and his emails, and his colleagues - I feel like I am grabbing at straws. Each nugget of information I wonder about, think about and Google.

Vietnam? Hmmmm.

Japan??

Hong Kong??

How about staying put?

Or moving back to our home town?

How about Prague?

Or India?

What do I think about Singapore?

Manila?

Thailand?

Shanghai?

I do an Internet search, think about it, imagine it and plan it and then a few days later things have moved on and I am still stuck back in whichever country was last discussed.

And each day things shift. One day we are staying, the next moving, the next throwing up our hands in despair. It is all just utter speculation.

In some ways I would prefer that he just came home and said "We are moving to X." It would make my life much less stressful although it wouldn't be fair on him as he needs to vent and talk things through just as much as I need to hear them so we do this strange tango where he speaks and I try not to get emotionally involved in what is being said.

Add all of this to the complicating factor of children. Where will they go to school? Which school? Which country? Which hemisphere for God's sake!

When we left Hong Kong they dropped Cantonese and Mandarin and they have now picked up French, German and Latin. What next? Will I try to continue these languages or should they swap again? What if we are back in Asia? Changing horses mid-stream is getting harder as they grow older. They know nothing about Asian government, politics, history, languages now - everything is about European history, Kings and Queens and Victorian times.

How about me? Will I be able to work wherever we move next? Doing what? Writing? Endlessly reinventing a career? Will I go back to academia? Will I have a visa? Will there be a University there? Or will I end up being a club mother again ferrying children to and from school and other activities.

Right now it is just baby steps. I am doing an inventory of the house. Clearing out cupboards and sorting through papers. Culling down really.

And I am taking lots and lots f photos of all the normal things that we do in a day. The school run. The supermarket, the high street in town so that if and when we do get the nod we will at least be ready.

Sigh....